I never realized how clouded my mind was all that time I was on heroin. It tricks you into thinking you’re all good and this is how your mind has always functioned, but you really have no idea how clouded by smack you are until you’re not on it anymore. I have clarity, I can think and feel so much that I never knew I was missing. Sometimes it’s overwhelming, and I have to remind myself that I actually am capable of processing and dealing with emotions sober. Today I value my ability to think, reason, rationalize, and feel things. Someone close to me told me once how different I am when I am not smacked out of my mind. They said I am funny, witty, clever, and smart when I am sober. Heroin absolutely dulls every one of those characteristics in me. I am left empty and hollow, while the entire time the monster tricks me into believing I am whole and that it is the only thing I need.

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